Whatever you do, don't turn it off...

It's been a really long time since I've posted anything. My rationale has been that I shouldn't say anything if I don't have anything interesting to say, I shouldn't say anything. If I don't have anything to say, then I must be watching less... I thought I was getting better.

Now, I find myself at 1:35 am on a Saturday night and I'm reading the Craigslist rants and raves section (which in Philly means that I am reading the clash of the hopelessly dumb and sincere and the horrible racist homophobes) while watching Showtime at the Apollo in the background.

Watching isn't exactly the right word. Its presence on my TV means that I, as usual, did nothing this Saturday night and somehow wound up watching a Saturday Night Live rerun. Of course, I didn't really want to be watching SNL either as it was a particularly unfunny episode (i really don't get this whole Andy Sandberg thing...at all), but i got tired of flipping and left it on. So at some point some pop-punk band (who it turned out was not the one that I like) is playing their crappy ass musical guest music and I need to check myspace or yahoo or something to give my tiny little mind something to fix on other than uncatchy pop-punk. Do I turn off the TV? No, I'm too lazy and made anxious by the implications of the blank screen. If it's off, then what am I doing? Nothing. As long as it's on, I can be somewhat distracted from the fact that I am not doing any of the things that I should be doing or going to bed. As long as it's on, I don't have to think about work or this mess my life has turned out to be.

And then, suddenly, Showtime at the Apollo is on and there's bad dancing and bad singing and bad standup (I think it's Amateur Night or something) and its like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance and Last Comic Standing all rolled into one, except without mean-spirited judges the whole thing is torture and is actually making me even more anxious which means I am even more reluctant to turn off the TV, but of course I am reading all of the racist Rants and Raves so I can't be bothered to actually flip through channels which I know will be futile because all I will find are ads for Jesus and girls that really want to meet me. Me, really? So, I am exposing myself to torture from both ends and I can't stop it.

Tomorrow, The Sopranos comes back. It won't come back again. Never again, can I grumble that no other show would have the balls to wait so long in between seasons. I am more focused on the fact that it won't come back again, then that it's coming back. I know that the shit is finally going to hit the fan in the next two months or so and then it will be over. One more thing to feel anxious about. Maybe when it's all over, I'll cancel Comcast. I'm pretty sure that when this round of cable was signed up for, it was done so specifically to have The Sopranos. Now, it will be gone. I could conceivably get an antenna and only watch Heroes. Too many other cable shows enter the brain as "what abouts". I can feel the anxiety racing from my feet to my chest to my head and back. Maybe I should change the channel...