My Own Hypocritical Celebrity Disappointment

There are a lot of things to be horrified by in the world right now. We started this war far far away and now lots of people theirs and ours are dying. There are very bad men in charge of very powerful weapons. The ice caps are going to melt and kill all of us in about six years. We're all retreating further and further into our customized "realities". All of that is bad and all, but let me tell you what's really been bothering me. Celebrity voiceover commercials. Specifically John Goodman-Dunkin Donuts.

Now, I know that this trend of getting well-known movie stars to do unseen spokesman duty for this or that corporation has been around for a while, so by now, like every other day to day atrocity, I should have compartmentalized it and accepted it as the way things are. And for the most part; I have. Even Alec Baldwin becoming the voice of fucking Blockbuster doesn't bother me that much and I hate Blockbuster.

It's not that I have any particular animosity towards Dunkin Donuts. I'm about 900 times more likely to go there than any other fast food place and I spent a huge part of my teen years hanging out there for no particular reason. But, it just seems so whorish to me. The way the n sound in Dunkin rolls off his tongue is so forced and sickening. A large part of the queasiness brought on by these ads probably has to do with the slogan. America Runs on Dunkin has got to be one of the worst catchphrases of all time. America doesn't run on a fake word. It runs on oil and war and greed and constant consumption. To hear that shit come out of the throar of Walter Sopchak just makes my skin crawl.

John Goodman since Roseanne and Raising Arizona has typified for the viewing public a kind of unpretentious blue collar everyman type. The fact that a chain built on a broken off g would use him just goes into overkill and exposes both sides as poorly constructed frauds.

I know I'm being a little ridiculous feeling disappointed in something that amounts to an easy paycheck for a good actor, particularly in light of my last post, but every time I see one of those ads my skin crawls. Oh and P.S Dunkin Donuts: if you can't help but burn your oily coffee, do you really think your White Hot Chocolate is going to be anything other than vomitous.