And Then I Seacrest a Darkness

Lately, I've seen a darkness in the Seacrest. Sure he's always been a little dark and vaguely self-loathing. But he always seemed OK with his place in life. His skill was always his ability to remain totally unfazed by the paradoxical personalities of the show. He moved seamlessly between the celebratory and the mocking; the cruel and the uplifting. He seemed totally unconcerned with both his own shallowness and that of the show. He simply hosted; for that was what he was born to do.

I think it's starting to get to him. I can see it in his eyes. Pure unadulterated hate. He hates his coworkers. He hates the fans. He hates the contestants. Most of all, he hates himself. He hates that he is known across the universe as an empty vessel. A carrier. A genetically engineered reaity show host. He sees himself through our eyes and he is totally horrified.

Tonight, he randomly sat in the audience and talked to an old woman about how exciting it all was. The banter dragged longer than it should have. The Seacrest has always excelled at filler but this came across as forced. As the cameras were about to move on to something else, he told us she was his Nana. She looked stunned. I wonder if the Seacrest just ad-libbed that. Could he have been trying to convince us that he was indeed naturally created; that his having of a Nana would imply his having of a Mama and thus that he was not created in some sort of laboratory somewhere in a basement in Hollywood? Does he see himself as needing that one last excuse used for Nazis and mass murderers, "He's somebody's son," to justify his overpreened, overpaid existence?

It's an old story: Man sells his soul. Man lives it up on his riches and bounty. Man loses his taste for riches and bounty and is stuck soulless. Man mourns loss of his soul. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. He has ridden Denial for a long time, but it seems Anger has at last arrived. Is this whole Idol Cares or whatever the fuck they're calling it Bargaining?

Some might argue that grief is more complicated and that hs is just bouncing between Anger and Acceptance. However he is dealing with it, I feel sorry for the Seacrest. As sorry as one can feel for someone who has millions and millions of dollars.