in which I uncover Jehovah's sinister plot to take over the world

Thursday 11/30/06
Beverly Hills 90210: 5:53 PM to 7:00 PM
Grey's Anatomy: 9:00 PM to 10:00 PM
Total Viewing Time: 2 hours 7 minutes

"The Bible foretold that our time would be characterized by people who are 'lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-contol, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, [and] lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God.' You will probably agree that many television characters are just like that. 'From these,' the Bible admonishes 'turn away." (2 Timothy 3:1-5) (from step 4 of the Ocotober 2006 Awake magazine guide to television reduction)

I moved past step 2 "Reduce Your Viewing Time" and step 3 "Schedule What You Watch" and onto Step 4 "Be Selective". This, apparently, means that I should only be watching shows about honest God fearing squeaky clean folk. God, this is going to be harder than I thought. But maybe Step 4 is a ruse. Perhaps that sneaky Jehovah is really trying to get me to shut it off all together. It's the only sane reaction to subjecting oneself to such boring television. If I don't allow myself to watch people who are haughty or blasphemous or who don't love goodness, then that pretty much leaves 7th Heaven and Mother Angelica. But, perhaps not even those. Mother Angelica is a really angry woman. She's definitely fierce and I would perhpas go so far as to say that she isn't open to any agreement. Plus, I've always felt that the parents on 7th Heaaven molest their kids. I know they've never shown anything like that in the 46 years that the show has been on, but in whatever alternative universe that exists the Reverend Camden sure does like to take old Mary up into his room and show her a thing or two. Why else would the blond kid always be scowling like that?
So what does that leave me to watch other than Touched by an Angel reruns on Pax TV (the title speaks for itself). Nothing, Not one thing. I mean those philandering, ethically challenged, way too sexy surgeons on Grey's Anatomy have no natural affection and they're haughty. Meanwhile, over in Beverly Hills, Brenda takes Brandon's car without asking or having a license which is self-assuming and she is often disobedient to her parents and she's headstrong. Brandon is totally puffed up with pride and Steve and Kelly are lovers of pleasure rather than God. So, obviously, it is a deeper plot cooked up by this Jehovah and his followers to rid the world of television altogether and send us into 1000 years of darkness.

Watching Grey's Anatomy was a violation of step 3. Well, I had planned to watch it and Ugly Betty before that, but then once I had shut off the TV after 90210, I realized that I didn't care what happened. Then the set switched itself on at 9 and flipped to ABC somehow. Sometimes, we don't choose the shows we watch, sometimes they choose us.